what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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