I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
