I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
