if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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