I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
