I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
