I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
