If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
