he thought i was a dude.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
