yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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