My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
