I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
