my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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