i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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