All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
