3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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