We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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