What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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