if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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