She announced her abortion via fbk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
