We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
