omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
