Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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