Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
