so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
