There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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