she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
