Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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