mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
