I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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