You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
