whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
