I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
