Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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