If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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