Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
