The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
