he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
