dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
