I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
