Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
