I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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