I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni