apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry