i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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