come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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