she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
