I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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