just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
