I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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