This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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