The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
