if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
