I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
