I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?