tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...