Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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