he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"