Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

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(360): View more from Washington

I don't think brook has ever known best

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

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(647): View more from Ontario

They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(405): View more from Oklahoma

I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth

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(815): View more from Illinois

she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.

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(214): View more from Texas

Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

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(330): View more from Ohio

He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.

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