My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.