I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident