For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
