I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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