Someone shit on the floor
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
