Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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