I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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