She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
