I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
