She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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