i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
