I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
