my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize