Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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