I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
