is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
