If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
