the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
